Fake It 'tIll You Make It

I walked over the threshold with clouded eyes. My body had been up for two hours but my eyes apparently had not. People came in disjointed parts; a head… a finger… a knee. The clock on the wall ticked by and I silently reminded myself not to fidget. Five… Ten… Fifteen minutes…

The teacher didn’t show up until three minutes after the first bell, and made a point to apologetically read her own sign about punctuality. I found myself in front of a basic seating chart with pictures instead of names. My face was in the back row, three over from the cabinets or three over from the windows, which is truly a gift for someone as directionally impaired as me. I was still pleased when I walked up the wrong isle and had to slide between the hard plastic chair and the wall, so it didn’t bother me a lick.

I didn’t realize my muscles had been slightly shaking until they started to stop. The desk was like a wall between me and the rest of the class and I took comfort in that. If I kicked one leg out and rested it on the metal supports I might look even more relaxed, so I tried that and prayed it helped a bit. Slouching was difficult when I wanted to hear what was going on, but it was probably not cool to sit up straight, and they were already going to think I was a nerd because I was a freshmen in a class of mostly sophomores and juniors. I used my lounging leg to force my back into the chair. How anyone could find it comfortable is a mystery to me.

The teacher passed out a syllabus everyone neglected to pick up on the way in. It was very simple, like the seating chart. One sided with bullet points of important information. I was starting to get an impression of this class that my mother would not approve of, but came as a breath of fresh air compared to the three to five pages of specific instructions passed out by every teacher in my MACAT classes. The words “Easy peasy.” slipped into my psyche, and I didn’t bother to refute them.

I straightened up infinitesimally because it was becoming downright uncomfortable to lean back so much and rolled my shoulders out as nonchalantly as I could. I couldn’t tell you a single thing the teacher said after the first ten minutes but I looked at her almost exclusively; unlike anyone else. When I did slip away from her fierce eye contact there wasn’t much to see. Some of the kids were on the verge of sleep. Her posters all talked about success and might as well have been black and white. I was better off watching the teacher and her pleading eyes even if I didn’t bother to take notice of her moving lips.

Anyhow, the time did pass and the bell did ring, miraculously. I got out of my seat slowly and made my own pace to the door. Gym might be fun. My teacher there was the same from seventh grade, and she was quick to make a joke.

Absentmindedly my arms started to swing, and like they will, every five steps or so, my legs did a little hop.

Alphabet Introduction

A

As a firm believer in a healthy lifestyle, I eat an Apple everyday. Usually I like Gala apples because they bruise less than others, or the Golden Delicious. I don’t like Granny Smith apples because they are very sour, and my mom likes mackintosh, but they seem really mushy to me.

B

Because I don’t get an allowance I try to do a lot of Babysitting. Right now I have a job on some weeknights watching a nine year old while his mom goes to work meetings. He is really rambunctious, so we have to do lots of activities before I ask him to do his homework, which his mother usually puts on me to do. I also babysit a one and a half year old that’s my sisters friends kid. He is so cute and I get paid ridiculous amounts because they stay out late.

C

Currently I consider myself Christian. Of course, things like that tend to change quickly with me.

D

Daffodils are my favorite flower. They don’t give off too much pollen or weird smell, and they’re yellow which is really pretty. I think most people don’t like them because they’re cheap, but I don’t care about that.

E

Everyday over the summer I made Eggs. They cook really quickly so I had to watch them close, but it was interesting to throw around different herbs and spices. The reason you’ve never seen eggs with garlic is because it doesn’t taste good, and of course I learned that the hard way.

F

For one of my electives, I’m taking French 2. Le francais est le meilleur beau langue. J’aime mon classe de francais trés beaucoup!!! Je aussi joue de la Flute.

G

Green is my favorite color. It started off as dark green, like a green Crayola crayon, but I’m starting to appreciate the different shades of green. My nails are actually a neon green color right now. I’m also in the Stevenson GSA and like posting “graphity” on my friend's Facebooks.

H

My name is Heather. My mom wanted to name me Bridget, but my sister picked Heather so she used it. I’m pretty happy with it because I’ve only met three other Heathers in my life. Its a type of flower that I think is mostly in the U.K. and comes in white and purple naturally.

I

It Irks me when people walk on the wrong side of the hallway, even though I do it sometimes when I’m trying to get to the other side. It slows down traffic and has gotten me into a few colissions. I’ve thought for a few years now that every school should have stop lights and stuff in the halls at busy intersections, which is pretty much everywhere except D hall.

J

Jammin’ is one of my favorite pass times, whether its with other people or by myself. I like (heehee) roots rock and alternative… ska… (all of which you can in fact jam to if you set your mind to it) and like everyone else, hip-hop. “Jams “ are really important to me… its like music speaks to my soul, and in fact I usually can’t keep from dancing.

K

Kittens are so cute. I got Kiki, who is technically not a kitten any more, in February two years ago. She was six weeks old. I remember her belly was huge compared to the rest of her body because she snuck dog food at her last house. Her tail also stuck straight up for almost a month after we got her. I also have a dog named Kimba, who is middle aged right now. She’s named after my mom’s favorite kid show, Kimba the White Lion. I’ve only ever seen a movie of it that I wasn’t into that much. That just reminded me, Kiki is named after a witch that finds herself in her only skill, which she doesn’t start off good at, flying. The movies an Asian anime called Kiki’s Delivery service. I loved watching that (and still kinda do) when I get sick. It just makes me feel better.

L

Love is the meaning of life. Who cares about 42? Knowing the numbers of the Universe won't make it any easier to navigate.

M

Michelle is my middle name, my niece Kayla’s middle name, and my nephew Drake’s is Michael. The story of it came from my brother. He used to play with dolls and trolls and tell stories about them. He said when he grew up he would buy a trailer and live by the river and have a hundred kids named Michael and Michelle. He was really upset that I was a girl when I was born because he already had two older sisters that picked on him enough, so my mom let him pick my middle name. When Drake was born, my sister’s first kid, she let me pick his middle name, and so the tradition began.

N

Night is my favorite time to do things. The feeling of being out in the dark sets off some kind of fun button in my brain and I make some of my best, uninhibited memories.

O

Openness has always been my philosophy, but I won't preach that its right. Occasionally I replace idealistic ideals with what works in the real world. But it's all good. Okra is my "nickname", given to me at random by a kid I barely knew but really wanted to. I still use it as my own inside joke sometimes. I usually spell it with a C though, because when I first started I didn't know the right way and Ocra sounded right.

P

Painting is perfect for my creative days. I usually don't make a masterpiece. Heehee. That is a bit of an overstatement. I'm not very good. But I still like to paint none the less.

Q

I went through a phase of making up words, and the one that stuck the most is Quirpy. It was the most useful because it described a situation many of my awkward friends and I found ourselves in. Basically it means, you have said something about someone else that wasn't intended to offend them, because it is blatantly obvious anyway, but ends up offending them. Then the phrase you used and the situation you find yourself in are both Quirpy.

R

Most of my free time is spent Reading. Yeah, I know how nerdy that is, but it keeps my attention more and has more feeling that watching TV. I like to imagine what's happening in a book and feel what the characters are feeling. I guess its a bit of escapism, but I would probably be reading anyway even if that wasn't the case.

S

Several people have commented on my habit of bursting into Song. Its not random, no matter how strong a case has been made against that. My singing is usually related to something a person has said, as in, they have the same word in them no matter how otherwise unrelated the two sentences may be.

T

Trick-or-Treating is one of my very few upheld traditions. I suppose that is why I like it the most. Some of my earliest memories are from trick or treating, from back when I was two and three even though I don't remember anything else from that age. Its also the first memory I have of my aunt Mary. I went to her house to Trick-or-Treat and we dumped all the candy on the floor to trade. The next day I asked if I could go back and do it all again.

U

I keep an Asian Umbrella above my bed. Its pink, with flowers painted on it. At the store I wanted a blue one, but it wouldn't open all the way so the lady wouldn't sell it to me. Between four and nine I had an obsession with umbrellas. I had one of those plastic ones with the rounded ends. All I remember was that the ends were yellow. Then when I got older I wanted a big one that would cover me and my backpack while I walked to school. And by big I mean huge. This thing was more than half my height when I got it. Now I obviously still like umbrellas, but I've taken to one we had since the 80s that has a zebra strip pattern.

V

Vintage clothes are like gold to me. I don't mean the bad kind. The fashion mishaps that never should've happened. I like the good stuff like Olivia Newton John's ending outfit in Grease. I actually used to have a poodle skirt when I was eleven that had a record or a poodle on the back or something.... I loved it very much, but the more I love something the more I wear it, and that does not equal preservation.

W

Water can quickly mesmerize me. It actually has an electric pull towards the oxygen in our bodies, and while that is just amazing to me, I can understand why people have little patience for it.

X

Xanthous, a fancy word for yellow is one of my favorite colors. I hinted on that it reminds me of childhood. Its also like tangible energy. And yellow water color works so well to brighten up a picture or even make it look like there's light coming off something specific.

Y

Yearning for something to do this past summer, I stumbled across Yoga. Its one of the best things I've accidentally done, then purposely followed through with. I'm so much more flexible, balanced (it is quite pathetic how much I used to, and sometimes still, fall or trip or slip or skid), and calm (if and when I want to be).

Z

My biggest fear is of Zombies. I don't care if it is "impossible" to come back to life and eat people after you get bit by a person. My brother got into zombie games and movies when I was very impressionable, and old habits die hard.

Beginning a New Year

The beginning of school was freakishly disorienting. There were more kids than I had ever seen in one place, although I couldn’t see more than ten at a time over the wall of heads either equal or above my own. That made it even harder to know where I was, but I quickly learned to hop up on my tippy-toes and squint for the big blue and white signs with the alphabet on them. I didn’t take long for that to become unnecessary to find my way, though now I find myself hopping and squinting to locate my bestest friends.

Most of the time I am really tired. I get at least seven hours of sleep a day –the recommended number by ever famous Dr. Oz - but it doesn’t feel like enough when I roll out of bed and crawl into the shower. From the looks on people’s faces and the yawns that fill the silences, I am willing to bet I’m not the only one that feels this way about waking up for high school. Adults just don’t seem to understand that we learn better later in the day and that five am alarms do not mix with midnight schedules for our favorite shows.

So far my classes have been relatively “chill”, which is so much more fun than the eagle eye of a teacher with a snarling nose in your face when someone whispers. It makes the day go by faster to hear playful banter, and some of the teachers are even into it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that its pretty cool to be here. The best way I can describe it is with one of my favorite friends favorite phrases. When asked how he is, he almost always responds with “I am.” And that’s what it’s like for me here. I’m not bored or taking notes or struggling with a stupid test that I didn’t even care about anyway. I just am.